1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,699
[Knocking] Hey, baby.

2
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,176
I made 7 pans of lasagna

3
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,876
before I realized only 6
would fit into my freezer.

4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,676
So I thought you all could
have this one for lunch.

5
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,706
Eat from the left side.
I ran out of sausage.

6
00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,888
Spence, if there's ever an
earthquake, head for her place.

7
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:18,242
She's got casseroles
to last till fema shows up.

8
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,497
Didn't you pay security 50 bucks

9
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:22,646
not to let her in here anymore?

10
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:23,684
Yes.

11
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,108
Don't think I don't
know about that.

12
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,250
And Earl will always let me in

13
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,092
because he says he
likes my bubbly personality

14
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,857
and watching me walk away.

15
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,116
Hello, people.

16
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,468
I'm doing volunteer work

17
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,617
for a tax-deductible charity

18
00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,165
which aids
impoverished Filipinos

19
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,035
living in the third world.

20
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,557
Care to care?

21
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,721
Adam, I know it's for you,
and you aren't impoverished,

22
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,090
and boys' town
isn't the third world.

23
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,527
Please? It's worse
than the third world

24
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:51,624
with my limited wardrobe
and tiny apartment.

25
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:53,233
Look at my distended belly.

26
00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,084
That reminds me, I'm gonna
go give Earl some lasagna.

27
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,372
The only thing he likes more
than watching me walk away

28
00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:04,062
is watching me walk towards
him with a dish of food.

29
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,455
Fine. I'm trying to raise money

30
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,715
so I can put on a showcase
for my new career...

31
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:10,978
Comedian!

32
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071
I finally found
something I'm good at.

33
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,420
I want to pursue this.

34
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,679
He is good.

35
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,561
He killed at manzibar's
open Mike night.

36
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,782
Adam, give her a little
sample of what she missed.

37
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,732
All right. Um...

38
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,130
When I was growing up,

39
00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:25,523
there were no Asian
role models. None.

40
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,907
Ok, there was Mr. Sulu
from Star Trek, you know.

41
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,180
He was kind of fabulous.

42
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,003
He had rank, he had position,

43
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,011
he got to wear that
fetching mustard velour top.

44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,104
And as helmsman
of the enterprise,

45
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,923
he broke a lot of Asian
stereotypes, you know?

46
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,711
He was a very good driver.

47
00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,486
[Laughing]

48
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:43,800
That is funny.

49
00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,286
See? So you want
to make a donation?

50
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,536
What do you say?

51
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:47,848
I'd say what's really funny

52
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,593
is you thinking I'm
gonna give you money.

53
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:57,326
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

54
00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:02,561
♪ you finding you,
I'm finding me ♪

55
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:05,604
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

56
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,260
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

57
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,484
♪ brings out the
joy inside of me ♪

58
00:02:09,564 --> 00:02:12,004
♪ inside of me ♪

59
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:14,088
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

60
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,567
♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

61
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:20,048
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

62
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,790
♪ you and me ♪

63
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,750
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

64
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,020
Ooh. Heh heh heh.

65
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,333
Hey, Mona.

66
00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,065
Those yours?

67
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,586
No. I don't wear these.

68
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,679
I mean, I wear
these, just not these.

69
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,508
I was looking for a sock

70
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:44,726
and I found these giant panties.

71
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:46,946
Mona, you could
make anything sexy.

72
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:48,946
Lorenzo.

73
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,478
I know, I know, you
have a boyfriend.

74
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,322
But I can't help it. You
know how I feel about you.

75
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,387
I do know, which is why

76
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,609
I don't want you
touching my underwear.

77
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,136
Oh, well, this
isn't me flirting.

78
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,643
This is me getting
you out of the way.

79
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,099
I got laundry to do, woman.

80
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,972
Besides, it's Friday night.

81
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,395
Get your laundry

82
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,291
and your giant panties
out of here and go out.

83
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,062
Would I be here if I
had anywhere to go?

84
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:14,718
Chase is in napa for
the weekend again.

85
00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,283
I hate to hear that.

86
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,460
Ok, not really.

87
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:20,197
What happened to this?

88
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,767
That's god's way of telling me

89
00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:22,873
not to drink chocolate syrup

90
00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:25,118
right out of the bottle.

91
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,945
Oh, I can get this stain out.

92
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,642
This pastry chef's been covered

93
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,140
in chocolate ice
cream, chocolate sauce,

94
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:31,246
chocolate pudding.

95
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:32,781
And that has nothing
to do with work.

96
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:37,035
Hey, I have an
amazing laundry secret.

97
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,739
But if I tell you, you
won't need me anymore.

98
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:42,918
[Telephone rings]Sorry.

99
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,045
[Ring]

100
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,567
Hi.

101
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,791
Chase! Ha ha ha!

102
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,009
Stop. Ha ha!

103
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,578
No, no, I'm just...

104
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,535
Nothing special.
Just doing laundry.

105
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,413
[Laughing]

106
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,665
No, I'm laughing

107
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:57,447
'cause the giant
panties are still here.

108
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,981
Yes, my mother
denies that they're hers.

109
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:05,897
[Ball game playing on TV]

110
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,644
I can't believe you
got that stain out

111
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,115
after your chocolate
catastrophe.

112
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:11,125
If god didn't want me
to drink out of the bottle,

113
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,287
why did he give it a spout?

114
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:15,169
Besides, Lorenzo
is right upstairs

115
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,945
and he's a whiz
with chocolate stains.

116
00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,479
He got this out for me.

117
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,612
You gave your
ex-boyfriend a shirt to clean?

118
00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:25,052
Maybe. Let's say I did.

119
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:27,314
Let me tell you a little
something about men, Mona.

120
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,967
All we want to do is
get our foot in the door.

121
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,102
And you gave him your shirt?

122
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,494
Huh! Dude is in the house.

123
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,320
You think just because Lorenzo

124
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,796
took a stain out of a shirt,
we're gonna hook up?

125
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:41,147
He borrowed baking
soda and you hooked up.

126
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:45,022
Lorenzo knows
where he and I stand.

127
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,500
We're just friends.

128
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:50,120
Mona, you're in a new
relationship with chase.

129
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,862
Think of it as a little puppy...

130
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,163
If you nurture it,

131
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,119
it'll grow up to be
beautiful and strong.

132
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,507
But you bring your ex-boyfriend

133
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,080
to hang out with your new puppy,

134
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,817
he's gonna kick it, stomp on it,

135
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:00,908
and crush it.

136
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,606
Don't crush your puppy, Mona.

137
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,256
You're right. Thanks.

138
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,090
You got a dog?

139
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,883
Thanks for setting up this
meeting with your mother.

140
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:17,315
Well, I'm hoping we catch
her at the perfect time...

141
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,284
Between her
post-bloody-Mary buzz

142
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,282
and her pre-Martini shakes.

143
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:24,594
If she agrees to finance
my standup dream,

144
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:25,762
it'll change my life.

145
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,017
I'll make the world laugh,

146
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,809
and then they'll love
me as much as I do.

147
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,369
Hello-hello.

148
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,901
La diva! Frangelico?

149
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,155
Flattery and a cocktail.
What do you want?

150
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:38,288
Well, throw him
out of the building.

151
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,431
Sorry. Important
conference call.

152
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,914
Your father's hands-free now.

153
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:43,873
I can't tell you how
happy that has made me.

154
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,647
I don't even want to
know what that means.

155
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,827
Uh, mom, the reason
I called you over here

156
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:55,696
is because Adam is putting
together a standup showcase

157
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,530
and he needs some
financial backing.

158
00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,398
I saw him do his set,
and he's hilarious.

159
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:03,060
Standup is the key to
getting my own sitcom

160
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:04,985
and becoming the wealthy
star I was born to be.

161
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:06,933
Well, imagine it...

162
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,588
Coming up next, Adam benet

163
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:10,892
starring in how I
met your brother.

164
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,553
Queen of queens.

165
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:16,195
Yes, queer?

166
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:18,988
That sounds amazing.

167
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,384
It does, doesn't it?

168
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,767
Let me get this straight.

169
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,379
No pun intended.

170
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,140
You want me to financially
back your showcase

171
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,997
so you can become a star.

172
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,392
I'll ask the question that
everyone in Hollywood asks...

173
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,346
What's in it for me?

174
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,704
Oh, well, you're an actor,

175
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,443
and every great
actor produces now...

176
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:37,404
Mel Gibson, Halle
Berry, George Clooney.

177
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,754
And Dee Dee lafontaine.

178
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,103
Sounds perfect.

179
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,142
More than perfect.
I can see it now...

180
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,007
Dee Dee lafontaine presents.

181
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,009
Count me in.

182
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,100
Me, too.

183
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:48,498
It's settled, then. Bye.

184
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,852
So, what were we talking about?

185
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,107
I missed you.

186
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,290
Oh, I missed hugging you.

187
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,286
I missed the stuff we do.

188
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:05,118
I missed hugging you
after the stuff we do.

189
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,952
Let's go. Let's go.

190
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:09,857
[Knock on door]

191
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,171
Oh, I'd better get that.

192
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:12,606
Could be ma with a casserole.

193
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:15,223
Uh, keep the
casserole, lose the ma.

194
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,476
Hey, Mona.

195
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,657
I brought you a stain stick

196
00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,482
in case you have
any more accidents.

197
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,570
And I brought you
some Swiss chocolate

198
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,399
so you can use my gift.

199
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:25,577
Thank you.

200
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,062
What's up, man?

201
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,012
Oh, hey. You're back
early from your trip.

202
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,450
I didn't know you were
keeping track of my schedule.

203
00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:34,931
Well, Mona told me when
we were doing laundry.

204
00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:36,189
Oh.

205
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,891
I didn't know "we"
were doing laundry.

206
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,594
We weren't. I mean,
it wasn't together.

207
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,418
He just helped
me out with a stain.

208
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,596
Yeah, well, you two take care.

209
00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:50,472
I better stop going
out of town so much.

210
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,857
Maybe you two won't
have as much alone time.

211
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:55,080
Ah, you're making
too much out of this.

212
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,960
Maybe, but you have a
habit of leaving out details

213
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,042
when it comes to Lorenzo.

214
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,260
I mean, one minute

215
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:02,569
he's helping you
out with a stain,

216
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,816
and the next, he'll be
helping you out of your clothes.

217
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:08,177
Whoa. I control who
helps me out of my clothes.

218
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,490
Which reminds me,

219
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,836
weren't you about to do that?

220
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,796
Look, baby, I'm a secure man,

221
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:15,965
but I am not comfortable

222
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,300
with your relationship
with this guy.

223
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,022
We don't have a relationship.

224
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,457
We say hi at the mailbox,

225
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,943
we run into each other
in the laundry room.

226
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,504
He's just the guy
who lives upstairs.

227
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,251
Now, are you coming
with me, or what?

228
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:28,992
Ok.really?

229
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,953
Of course. I mean, I'm
upset, but I ain't crazy.

230
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,337
Ok, help me out.

231
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:38,999
I need to figure
out how to stand.

232
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:41,133
Now, besides my ass,
which is my best side?

233
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:44,313
Dude, why do you
ask me stuff like that?

234
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,793
Just tell the damn jokes.

235
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,703
Adam, I need to talk to you.

236
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,309
Anything for the woman

237
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,859
that picked me up out
of my dim receptionist job

238
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,319
and made me a bright,
shining comedy star.

239
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,713
About that, I've been
reviewing your material,

240
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,057
and as your producer,

241
00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,706
I have a few minor changes.

242
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,720
This is simply crass.

243
00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:03,332
This is not our audience.

244
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,072
This just doesn't amuse.

245
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:07,903
Lose this, this, this.

246
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:12,026
No short, no gay, no Asian.

247
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:14,156
You're cutting the
curious hybrid that is me.

248
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,342
Well, I left the part

249
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,185
where you say "good evening,
my name is Adam benet."

250
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,209
Build on that.

251
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,995
Hey, Mona.

252
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,605
Did you like the
Swiss chocolate?

253
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,085
Oh, it was sweet.

254
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:30,435
But I can't accept any
favors or gifts anymore.

255
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:31,956
Really?

256
00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,239
'Cause I have a
different kind of chocolate

257
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:34,838
I want you to sample.

258
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:38,492
It's a very light
milk chocolate.

259
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,587
[Gasp]

260
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,626
Everything all right?

261
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,439
Oh, yeah. Just dreaming.
Nothing to talk about.

262
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,070
Go back to sleep, babe.

263
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,083
So, after I finished

264
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,839
licking the Swiss
chocolate off of Lorenzo,

265
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:09,517
he kissed me and
gave my hair a little tug

266
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,479
that sent shock
waves down my spine.

267
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:15,137
Then he opened the dryer
and folded my delicates.

268
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:18,971
Wow, that's hot.

269
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,355
Is he a good folder?

270
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,277
But why are you
dreaming about Lorenzo

271
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:26,932
if things are so
good with chase?

272
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,687
I'm not sure if this has
anything to do with it,

273
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:29,885
but a couple of weeks ago,

274
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,537
Lorenzo told me that
he wants me back.

275
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,852
You're in a love triangle
and you didn't tell me?!

276
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,422
The hell with you.
Why didn't you tell me?

277
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,339
I don't think I knew
it until just now.

278
00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,904
Maybe I had the dream

279
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:46,651
'cause I was flattered
by all the attention.

280
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,953
You're gonna flatter
yourself out of a boyfriend...

281
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,476
A good boyfriend.

282
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:53,613
Good boyfriend who can
make tall grandbabies.

283
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:56,256
Mona, this is not good.

284
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,141
It certainly isn't.

285
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,272
You're emotionally
cheating on chase.

286
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:01,875
I am not a cheater.

287
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,225
I've only tasted Lorenzo's
milk chocolate in my sleep.

288
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,154
I know how to solve
all your problems...

289
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,232
Pick a brother

290
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,437
and give the other one to me.

291
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,720
I'll take any kind of
chocolate I can get.

292
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,683
I'd even settle for
white chocolate.

293
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:21,722
Ok, how about this?

294
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:24,601
A rabbi and a duck
walk into a bar...

295
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,684
A rabbi and a duck?

296
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,818
What's next, knock-knock jokes?

297
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,815
As a matter of fact,
that is what's next.

298
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,168
What am I doing?

299
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,517
Sol saperstein, talent
agent extraordinaire,

300
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,697
is flying in from L.A.
just to see my show.

301
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,094
How am I supposed
to come up with

302
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,086
half an hour of new
material by tomorrow night?

303
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:44,138
Dude, why put
yourself through this?

304
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,095
Just cancel.

305
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,402
I can't.

306
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:47,768
I'll never get that
agent to come again.

307
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,494
I've got to find a way
to make this work,

308
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:53,018
but it's like I have this big,
dark cloud following me around.

309
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:55,063
Hello-hello.

310
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:57,189
How's lafontaine's
first starlet doing?

311
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,501
I need to talk to you.

312
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,547
I have a few concerns
about the material.

313
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,552
Never discuss the work
in front of our public.

314
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,334
We can't let the little people

315
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,589
see how we create magic.

316
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:06,681
Let's do it in my office.

317
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,246
Get out of my office, people.

318
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:09,336
Shoo-shoo.

319
00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,770
The show isn't working.

320
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:12,911
I know.

321
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,523
I have led you
down the wrong path.

322
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:15,783
That's such a relief.

323
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,295
I'll start rehearsing
my old stuff.

324
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,648
Oh, no, my little ingenue.

325
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,168
I have written you
some new material

326
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,391
I think is more appropriate

327
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,499
for the lafontaine audience.

328
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,964
"What weighs more,

329
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,237
"a thousand pounds of diamonds

330
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,136
or a thousand pounds
of dom perignon?"

331
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,355
I know. It's a thinker.

332
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,187
You know, I've been feeling bad

333
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,629
about the way I
reacted to Lorenzo,

334
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,976
and I want to apologize.

335
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,586
You two live in
the same building.

336
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,236
You're bound to
run into each other.

337
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,530
I'm just gonna have to be
the bigger man and get over it.

338
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:49,900
Believe me, if I could,

339
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,616
I'd have the top floor
of the building removed.

340
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,730
It would solve a
world of problems.

341
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:57,036
You think you could talk
to your dad about that?

342
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,914
Chase, you are
what's important to me,

343
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,216
and I want this to work,

344
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,702
so I'm just gonna stay
away from Lorenzo.

345
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,793
Well, you don't really
have to go that far.

346
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,792
Ok, maybe you do.

347
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,182
[Knock on door]

348
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,271
Look at this.

349
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,059
I got the poster
for my showcase.

350
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,284
I don't know why
I had to carry it.

351
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,713
Dee Dee lafontaine
is a producer.

352
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,060
You think Halle Berry
had to carry the poster

353
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,930
for lackawanna blues?

354
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,241
Honestly, Charles.

355
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:29,197
"Dee Dee lafontaine
presents Adam benet."

356
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,286
How come you have
a full-body picture

357
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,505
and he's just a floating head?

358
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,595
I paid for the
theater, advertising,

359
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,164
and the snacks
in the green room.

360
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,561
I should be prominent on
the poster. Honestly, Dee Dee.

361
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,304
You paid for all of this?

362
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:44,476
That means I
paid for all of this.

363
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:45,692
I don't remember agreeing

364
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,261
to financially
backing this endeavor.

365
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,348
What's in it for me?

366
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,696
Years from now,

367
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,415
when lafontaine productions
has been awarded

368
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:52,439
its first honor

369
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,753
and I thank the little people,

370
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,573
you'll be the
first little person.

371
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,710
You're poking a tiger, woman.

372
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,713
All your jewelry's in my name.

373
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,371
Mom, this is Adam's chance

374
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:08,845
to do something with his life,

375
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,755
and you've completely
made it about you.

376
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,070
Well, it is about me.
Look at the poster.

377
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,897
Mom! You're crushing
a man's dream,

378
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,376
and you need to fix it.

379
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:19,746
I mean, this is
worse than the time

380
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,161
you insisted on being Mary

381
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:24,471
in my third-grade
Christmas pageant.

382
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:25,949
Such a killjoy.

383
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,389
But for the record,

384
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,105
no one ever looked more
virginal riding a donkey

385
00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:30,739
than I did.

386
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:35,664
Hey. hey, Spence.

387
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,924
I'm real happy things
worked out with chase.

388
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,527
Takes a big man to understand

389
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,417
your friendship with
Lorenzo is strictly platonic.

390
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:44,925
I know. I never thought I'd
be dating someone so evolved.

391
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,284
I also can't believe your
use of the word "platonic."

392
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:51,628
Hey, I'm an
evolved brother, too.

393
00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:54,106
But is chase evolved
enough for this?

394
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,460
Or this?

395
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:03,212
Mona, wake up. You're
talking in your sleep.

396
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,823
Yeah, you're
interrupting the movie.

397
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,604
I had another fantasy...

398
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,598
About Spencer, of all people.

399
00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:12,299
What do you mean, of all people?

400
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,444
You could do a lot worse.

401
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,961
Really? 'Cause no
one comes to mind.

402
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,218
You sure are having
a lot of fantasies

403
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:22,751
about everyone
but your boyfriend.

404
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,144
I wonder what it means.

405
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,617
It means my mother is right.

406
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,057
I'm an emotional cheater.

407
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,753
What am I gonna do?

408
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,760
I think you're making a
big deal out of nothing.

409
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,852
I mean, friends have fantasies
about each other all the time.

410
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,943
Look at me and Dee Dee.

411
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,643
Oh, no, no, no.

412
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,163
Baby, wake up!

413
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,116
All that moaning is
getting on my nerves.

414
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,184
Ma, what's going on?
And where's Spencer?

415
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,468
Be careful. He's on the loose,

416
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:50,917
and he's hooking
up with everybody.

417
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,601
Well, stop dreaming and get up.

418
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:55,691
All that lasagna got
my stomach percolating.

419
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,306
Now I'm definitely awake.

420
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:08,489
Well, this is it,
Adam... Opening night.

421
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,356
I've got some
last-minute notes for you.

422
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:11,617
But I'm about to go on.

423
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:14,449
Well, it's really
just one small thing.

424
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,848
I think you should
try some other areas,

425
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,892
like your old ones.

426
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,678
I know you got it in you.

427
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,592
Don't let Dee Dee
lafontaine down.

428
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:24,460
Thank you.

429
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,813
Uh, you know, I'm not stingy.

430
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:30,600
I'm all about
sharing our culture.

431
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,335
You know, go ahead,
outfit Natalie Portman

432
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,986
like she's some Mongolian
Princess, you know.

433
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,561
Dress up Liam neeson

434
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,737
like he's some samurai warrior.

435
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,133
Let's just acknowledge

436
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,516
where the stuff comes from, ok?

437
00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,312
Rumor has it that
Steven Spielberg

438
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,047
came up with the idea for e.T.

439
00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:51,658
After eavesdropping on
Filipino people at the airport.

440
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,926
[Imitating e.T.] Home.
I want to go home.

441
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,407
That was my grandma.

442
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:01,801
You know, lucky for me

443
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,370
I had a big support
system growing up.

444
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,677
We had a gay and
lesbian teen support group

445
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,033
right in our high school.

446
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,033
Only back then, we
called it drama club.

447
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,770
You did the right thing, mom.

448
00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:15,028
As a producer,

449
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:17,381
I knew if I took
it away from him,

450
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:18,561
gave it back,

451
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:20,046
he would perform
it like it was new.

452
00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:21,871
Right.

453
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,308
You've been a
wonderful audience.

454
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,482
Thank you! Good night!

455
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:29,088
Thank you. Oh, thank you.

456
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,528
See? It's not all about me.

457
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:33,014
Now get out of my way
so I can take my bow.

458
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:36,058
Dee Dee lafontaine!

459
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:38,875
Thank you!

460
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:40,756
Thanks.

461
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,102
Oh, my boyfriend should be here

462
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,191
in a few minutes.

463
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,763
Hey, Mona, how's it going?

464
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:48,068
I'm just waiting for chase,

465
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,354
who should be here
in a few minutes,

466
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,722
which means you
shouldn't be here,

467
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,088
because I'm not
with you, I'm with him,

468
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,184
and I'm not a cheater,
and I'm wide awake,

469
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:54,352
and you've got your to-go order,

470
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:55,437
and you don't want
that to get cold,

471
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:56,505
so go, go, go, go.

472
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,359
You know, we had our second
date at this table, remember?

473
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,562
No, we didn't. It
was over there.

474
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:02,945
We started over here,

475
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:03,908
but I dumped tomato
soup on the table,

476
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:05,735
and they had to move us.

477
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,763
Oh, yeah. You even got
some on the woman next to us.

478
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,352
I'll never forget
her face. "Errr!"

479
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,306
No, it was like "aah!"

480
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,484
"Blaah!"

481
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:14,660
Mona?

482
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,135
Oh, chase, hi.

483
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:18,005
Well, see you guys.

484
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,974
I know how this looks.

485
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,967
Really? How does it look?

486
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,839
It looks like Lorenzo and I

487
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:27,410
were sitting there
having a good time,

488
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:29,264
but he was here for
takeout, I was waiting for you,

489
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:31,502
we just happened to
be here at the same time.

490
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,498
Talk about a coinkidink.

491
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:34,770
How was your day?

492
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,026
Let's just order.

493
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:46,168
That was a quiet car ride home.

494
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:48,165
Sorry. I got a lot on my mind.

495
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,557
Good night, Mona.

496
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,220
Aren't you coming in?

497
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,614
I don't think so.

498
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,276
But you got to go out
of town this weekend.

499
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:56,527
Let me remind you
of all the good things

500
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,053
you're gonna be missing.

501
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,533
Baby, I'm starting
to feel like...

502
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,228
Every time I turn around,

503
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,076
your ex-boyfriend's right in
the middle of our relationship.

504
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,750
Well, believe me, he's
not in the bedroom.

505
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:09,101
It'll just be you and me.

506
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,451
That's not funny.

507
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,941
Look, like I said,

508
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:15,852
it was just a coincidence.

509
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,587
It's bad timing.

510
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,718
Well, maybe it's you and
I that have the bad timing.

511
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:23,337
There's something
between you and Lorenzo,

512
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:25,773
and even if you
don't see it, I do.

513
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,510
I'm tired of
stumbling across it.

514
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,041
Chase...

515
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,474
Lately, when we've
been together,

516
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,040
it seems like you're distracted.

517
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,557
I mean, Mona,
you're not all mine,

518
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,181
and I don't like it.

519
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,412
I don't like you accusing
me of things that aren't true.

520
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:40,088
You're the person
I want to be with,

521
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,239
and if you don't believe that,

522
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,547
maybe we should
take a step back.

523
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,884
Maybe we should.

524
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,760
Why do I always do this?

525
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:59,717
Why do I destroy
every good relationship?

526
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:01,897
Why do I always self-destruct?

527
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,773
♪ I feel like I wanna
smack somebody ♪

528
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,335
♪ turn around and
bitch-slap somebody ♪

529
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,513
♪ but I ain't goin' out, bra ♪

530
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:10,729
♪ no, no, no. ♪

531
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:11,988
♪ I ain't givin' in to it ♪

532
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,260
♪ no, no, no ♪

533
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,822
♪ anxiety's got my mind ♪

534
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:17,649
♪ it terrorizin' my
soul like bin laden ♪

535
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:19,608
♪ but I ain't
fallin' down, bra ♪

536
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:20,866
♪ no, no, no ♪

537
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:22,128
♪ I won't lose control, bra ♪

538
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,401
♪ no, no... ♪

539
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,636
Whoo-hoo! Ha ha ha!

540
00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:51,236
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